test

Disregard

Well, There you have it

I always wondered about those people that stand out on the street dressed as slice of pizza or a statue of liberty that dance around with a sign. How much do they get paid? Do they work for the company they're promoting or a thrid-party sign dancing company? Are they hired specifically to dance? or do they ro-sham-bo fellow employees to see who gets stuck with shift of dancing in the hot/cold/rain/snow/big truck persecution. So many unanswered questions!! Well i found my answer. I was perusing craigslist and there it was:

"Sign Shaker needed"

It's not a bad gig really. No W-2, no boss to speak of. Aside from weather/jock issues it's probably fun. Maybe i'll try this out between tours.

My New Religion (Things I Wish I'd Written)

Two of my favorite things are A) A parody or satire of something serious and B) When people don't get it and starting "acting a fool". This is one of the funnier instances. There is a "Church" called the The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Here is a little bit about the "religion" from wikipedia:

"The Flying Spaghetti Monster (also known as the Spaghedeity) is the deity of a parody religion called The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and its system of beliefs, "Pastafarianism". The religion was founded in 2005 by Bobby Henderson to protest the decision by the Kansas State Board of Education to require the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to biological evolution.
In an open letter sent to the education board, Henderson professes belief in a supernatural creator called the Flying Spaghetti Monster which resembles spaghetti and meatballs. He furthermore calls for the "Pastafarian" theory of creation to be taught in science classrooms."

I'm not sure what blogging etiquette is in this type of situation but i'm going to copy and paste the open letter from Bobby's site into my own. If you want to read more or see the letter in its permanent home click HERE

Taken from vanganza.org:

"Open Letter To Kansas School Board
I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.



In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures."

Now for the the B) part of the equation. The hate mail. From Bobby's site:

"OK, I agree that this is a bunch of complete nonsense. All you people who actually think that a flying spaghetti monster created us are just confirmation that this world is soon coming to an end. I pray that someone around you will show you the Bible someday soon and that you turn to Jesus Christ our savior so God can have mercy on your souls, because if not, you’re all going to hell.
with pity,
anonymous"

"what is up with this?
READ THE REAL BIBLE!!!!!!!
THIS IS WACKED OUT !SPAGHETTI IS SOMETHING YOU EAT THEN POOP OUT AFTER A FEW HOURS!!! THE IS NO SUCH THING IM SORRY HAHAHAHAAHAHAH MY GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD! A GOD THAT WILL SEND ALL OF THESE FSM PEOPLE RIGHT TO HELL SO REMEMBER YOUR FOOD GOD WHEN YOU’RE BURNIN! ITS STUPID PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT IS MAKING THIS WORLD END FASTER"
-c

(Emphais NOT mine)

Bobby has also taken this so far as to write a book called "The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster" which features a spoof on the 10 commandments called the "8 I'd really rather you didn't's" If you're looking for an early birthday/christmas present for me the book can be had HERE The official conclusion to prayer is RAmen. Heaven also consists of beer volcanoes and a stripper factory. It also says that Hell is the same except the beer is stale and the strippers have VD. Hahahaha. Amazing. You can read more on Bobby's site which is:

www.venganza.org There is a ton of funny stuff on there. There is also a link on that page to a pretty funny "Fine art taco photography" exhibit.

Study Says 37% of Statistics are Made Up.

I sometimes wish I had the means to make highly accurate, scientific studies of completely pointless things. For example. The other day a friend and I were walking out of the mall and a big truck drove by and yelled sometime like "Lookin' good today fellas!" Now some might say "well that was nice of them" but what those people don't know is I was sporting a rather flamboyant mustache or moustache (which ever you prefer)
What i'm getting at is these guys were to trying to razz me for being gay. Which I am not. It got me thinking. I wish I could conduct a study of what types of cars people yell stupid things from. If I had to perform this study in a highly informal manner, based only on my personal experiences I think the findings would look something like this:



I feel that this chart I whipped up would be a fairly accurate reflection of what a real study would find. Here are some examples of studies that are completely pointless. Taken from various places around the web.

"People who have a tough time handling the stress of money woes are twice as likely to develop severe gum disease, a new study finds"

"According to tests made at the Institute for the Study of Animal Problems in Washington, D.C., dogs and cats, like people, are either right-handed or left-handed --- that is, they favor either their right or left paws."

(Cute, but essentially useless information. What are you going to do with it?)

I'm sorry

I've completely neglected my apple reviews. I'm sorry to all the apple fans in the crowd. I will resume my reports ASAP.

P.S. I have found religion. More to come.

Stuff I Wish I'd Written

The new series. I will try to regularly post articles that I wish I had written. Why? Because my blog would be so much better if I had written these kinds of things. Instead I will blog vicariously through the works of others. Here is an article written by John Cleese (Monty python, The shrek movies) posted on someone else's blog. It's laugh out loud funny. Click the link to read.

John Cleese's Letter to America

A little late Valentine for my Valentine

Sydney and I aren't really big on Valentine's day. We see no reason we should go out on a day some Saint designated a long time ago and wait extra time for a table at a restaurant. We went to Bombay House a few years ago for Vaelentine's and it was a 4 hour wait! Why would we wait for that when we could go the day before or after and wait 5 mintues? So hence the Valentines Mcdonald's tradition was born. Every year we go to Mcdonald's on Valentine's day, then we go to a nice restaurant the day before or after. This year I wasn't home so here's a little late Valentine for my lady. (Yes i ripped the valentines off Jonathan Canlas' blog)

Quote of the Week

Sydney when asked why her eyes are tired after just waking up:

"Because they spent the whole day seeing things"